I was reading a post on Blind about “a hard past, a lament about life, and a life of contentment,” and it got me thinking.
Here I am,
happy and content by any measure, objective or subjective,
and yet I keep searching. Why? And for what?
What is it that keeps making me feel like something’s missing, like I’m lacking?
Why do I keep tormenting myself with regret for not having earned more money?
A better company, a bigger salary
A bigger home and a slick car
A stock that hits the jackpot
The goal: ₩1 billion
Why do I keep longing for things I can’t control,
things I don’t even need to achieve?
It’s as if I’m straining with everything I have to fill the “emptiness” that sits between my happy moments…
To fill that emptiness, I go looking for “stimulation,”
and when I follow the stimulation, I find “content” wired straight into my desires,
and that content has me “reviewing” the “torment” of those desires in vivid detail, like a lesson I can’t stop re-studying.
How do I break this cycle?
(1) Defining My Happiness
= Sustainable happiness
= Not happiness filled to the brim
= 80% everyday happiness + 20% breathing room
So many of us chase the illusion of [100% happiness], but it only ever lasts a “moment.”
In the end, what I need to find is “sustainable happiness”.
80% everyday happiness plus a spoonful of some NEW THang. That’s all it takes.
One strategy that worked well for me before was a set of plans I ran under a guiding principle I called “One Step a Day”.
Spending just one step a day on something new, whether a first try, a challenge, growth or learning,
I remember feeling so deeply at ease. There’s no need to squeeze myself tight and sprint toward 100% happiness.
It’s time to bring that strategy back.
(2) How to Fill the 80%
To feel satisfied in everyday life, I need to
shift from a results-driven protocol to a process-driven one (already doing well: studying quant, studying philosophy),
fit in, here and there, not consumptive entertainment but restorative activities that leave something behind, tangible or intangible (let’s give these a try: drawing, leathercraft, freelance work),
and slowly chew on and savor the sweetness of every moment with my priority zero (= my family). (Already doing well: warm, phone-free meals with the family, doing puzzles with my daughter, talking with my wife, family walks, the playground with my daughter)
(3) How to Leave the 20% Open
I’m the extremely productive, efficiency-obsessed type. Sadly, fancying myself a clever human being, I’ve been cursed with an inability to tolerate “empty time.”
Still, when I look back on the “breathing room” I felt on our recent trip to Vietnam:
(-) Electronics faaar away (computer faaar away, phone faaar away)
(+) Sky, quiet, free time, a full belly, good weather
With all that in place, the tor-ment I usually wrestle with never seemed to show up.
The electronics, especially, seem to be the big one.
So the key is:
<Building a System That Keeps Electronics at Bay: Digital Quarantine>
For someone like me who chases high productivity and high efficiency, any approach that relies on willpower, like “no smartphones,” is likely to fail. Not only do I have no real reason to stop, but the moment my brain senses emptiness, my hand reaches for a device.
So I need to build a physical system. = Philosophically, too: when friction (physical resistance) appears, a gap opens up.
- Turn the bedroom into an analog zone (park all the phones in one spot)
- Stack fun books on the living room table
- Unblock the YouTube app only during set hours (weekdays 17:00–19:30) friction
- In the early-morning study, shut down the computer and lower all the monitors friction
- Leave something to do on the study desk for the early mornings (books / leathercraft / drawing / puzzles / Go) anchoring
<Finding Hobbies More Fun Than Electronics: 100% Ownership>
Go, the gym, leathercraft, reading & writing, drawing (w. a Hangul typewriter, pens, etc.), 3D printing, puzzles,
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